Int: An otherwise empty train carriage. Two men in worn out suits are facing each other. GARETH Ah, it was just another of those business fights. DARREN Like always? GARETH Yes, like always. DARREN Gets a bit boring, after a while, doesn’t it? GARETH Yes, very boring. DARREN A bit like us. GARETH A cliché of characters and situations. DARREN I wouldn’t go that far. GARETH I would. DARREN Really? Why? GARETH Look at us. What have we done with our lives? I mean, really done. What will be the whole reason for us when we slip this mortal coil? DARREN Steady on there mate. You had a bad meeting with logistics, there’s no need to get all maudlin on us. This is a conversation on a train, not a Samuel Beckett play. GARETH That is how they start though. DARREN Samuel Beckett plays? GARETH No, conversations. DARREN Oh, not all of them start like this. GARETH They do. Someone says something, someone else says something, then someone else will say something, and around and around it goes. Until someone says something wrong DARREN or off-colour GARETH or offensive DARREN and the whole thing grinds to GARETH a complete stop. And then someone says something either DARREN an apology GARETH or something in support of the remark, DARREN and away we go GARETH again. DARREN We sounded like a married couple then. GARETH No, there was less eye-brow raising, DARREN and fewer passive aggressive sighs. GARETH Your Maureen still complaining about the Patio? DARREN Yes. GARETH Have you tried explaining to her it is not your fault? DARREN Yes. GARETH She still doesn’t believe you? DARREN No. The bodies were found, but they have been there for twenty seven years. GARETH How long have you lived there? DARREN Five years. GARETH And she still suspects you? DARREN Yes. I didn’t want the patio touched because it didn’t need to be done. GARETH And she thinks it is because you murdered someone, and left them under the patio of a house you moved into five years ago? DARREN The Police haven’t asked anything, they are looking into who it might be, and why they have not been found yet. GARETH So, do you know who the murderer might be? DARREN I have a few ideas. GARETH Oh, who? DARREN Mr Jones the Lighthouse Keeper and Mr Smith the School Caretaker. GARETH Just them? DARREN Yes, at the moment, just them. GARETH Have the Police got anything to go on? DARREN Not yet. But neither have the kids next door. Well there are three teenagers, a very large dog, and an older man who can’t shave properly. GARETH Are they doing anything really bad? DARREN No, I think that they just have a podcast. GARETH Like everyone these days then? DARREN Yeah, pretty much so. GARETH Did you see the game last night? DARREN Nah. Maureen and I were out. GARETH Where? DARREN Our classes in mindful passive aggression and eyebrow raising. GARETH It was a good game. DARREN Ok. Is this your stop? GARETH Yes, it is. DARREN Ok. see you tomorrow. GARETH For more of the same? DARREN And less of anything else. (Scene ends)
Ben Macnair is an award-winning poet and playwright from Staffordshire in the United Kingdom. Follow him on Twitter @benmacnair.